ONE WORDSMITH Writing to simply change the world...: A Confession Letter to Friends.. I Am an Addict

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Confession Letter to Friends.. I Am an Addict

Hi my friend,

This is a difficult letter to write but I have decided to come clean.

After a great deal of anguish and soul searching, I have accepted that the only way to overcome this problem is to admit to myself and others that the problem exists..

I think I have an addiction and I am asking for your help.... It's like a monkey on your back alright-- that stalking compulsion that demands that you get the next fix, and soon. I'll admit it, I am addicted. But I can't help myself, really I can't. I've tried to kick the habit but haven't had any luck. I quit smoking several years ago. They say smoking cessation is the hardest; don't you believe it. That was a snap compared to this urge, this gotta-have-it-now compulsion. It grabs you hard and doesn't let go. Oh and I'll have to admit I do get satisfaction from even just the licking; I mean, how can you resist? I am hopelessly hooked. I've been known to call friends all hours of the day and night if I need to feel that huge whole-body rush, the tingle, the delirious stupor from having even just one because I don't have one right now.

It's embarrassing to have to beg because the gnawing need is so great. Sometimes I just have to get my hands on one! I will do just about anything to support my habit. I've even come close to stealing one especially if they are little ones-- small enough to stuff into your bag and carry out unnoticed.

Unless you have been there like me, you don't understand the exquisite pain of not being able to get that urge under control, of not being able to give it up. I'm telling you, it controls your life. I've tried kicking the habit cold-turkey but the withdrawal symptoms are so severe that I really don't think it can be done alone.

I think I need help and I when I was finally able to admit I was hooked, there was nowhere to go for treatment. They have lots of support groups for people who are addicted or are somehow affected by addiction. There are groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Food-aholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, Al-A-Teen, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and so many more........ but there is nothing out there for addicts like me. There is nowhere to turn, no one who understands, nowhere to go for help.

This is really hard to admit but I've been known to buy special ice creams or treats to bribe people into letting me get near what I crave so I can sneak even a little bit of that feeling of ecstasy. I admit I'm shameless when it comes to getting what I need. I will even borrow them from other people on the pretense of being charitable and caring for them out of kindness and generosity but it is a con. My real agenda is to get my hands on them in order to get a little lick and satisfy those urges.

I was beginning to think there is no help for me, that I am doomed to live this way the rest of my life.... lying, conning and cheating just to get my urges satisfied. I am ready to give up. I have reached bottom. I admit I am powerless over this addiction and I am ready to surrender my life, turn it over to Dog... er... uh....oops....ahem... pardon the dyslexic flip....God as I understand him.

Yes, I am finally ready to admit it now... I need help and I am asking you to help me and support me as I work to give up this dependency. Since there is no program for people like me, I have decided to develop my own. Here goes....

My name is Barbara and I am powerless over dogs. I am ready to admit that sometimes I need a doggy fix. I am trying hard to give up those eyes that get you, or the floppy ears, the furry feel of their hair or the antics when they play with you. That puppy paw in your face and puppy muzzle in your neck feeling when you pick them up. And especially their ooooh... puppy breath.... ecstacy in a lick! I am wondering if you could lend me your dog so that I can work on this problem?

Forever grateful for your assistance,
Barbara

No comments:

A few Thoughts...

When I think about it, my own life is no less rich and the living no less inspiring than my pioneering ancestors and I come from a long line of Indians and outlaws so don't ever turn your back on me!

Life is, after all, a slice of human consciousness lived from its place in human evolution. "From here to eternity" as it were-- from earth to the stars, from personal space to cyberspace, from a small local footprint to the world reduced to the size of a notebook and sitting on your lap!

As a child I lived with the perpetual and immenent threat of annihilation. That's child abuse! It wasn't a kid-friendly world and I couldn't understand why the grown-ups who were in charge weren't doing something?

So at age seven with my face in the window eyes turned up into the night sky and staring at the stars I made a vow: "When I am a grown-up, I will do something."

My writing is that something and I write to "simply change the world." If that sounds like a lack of humility it isn't because I know that one person absolutely can change the world and I've met some who have.

Kay Kennedy put together an anthology that puts the reader in the midst of history to view it from the inside out.

When I was in high school and even college, history classes were stale and boring featuring memorization and regurgitation of dates that coincided with events that had no human face, certainly no magic, and no life!

Anthologies are great fun and stores are rich remembrances. History books chronicle; stories are little narrative slices of living. History comes alive through story. I often think of my grandmother and her story, her life-- the history she lived. In her lifetime she saw humankind evolve from horse and buggy to man on the moon.

BARBARA'S WORK IN "LOOKING BACK"
I was a sixties kid and for the youth of the sixties, turmoil, disillusionment, and revolution were everyday 'business as usual'. Like a radio perpetually on low volume, fear and death dronned on in the background. The superpowers threatened to extinguish all life on the planet, the Vietnam War was escalating and peers were being escorted home under American Flag blankets. The civil rights and equal rights movements were testing human civility, and faster than one could recover from one shock another real life hero would fall to yet another assassin. Despair was commonplace. Contrast that with a man on the moon... we could conquer space travel but couldn't make nukes or war obsolete! It was a time when youth needed hope because hope was scarce. When it was finally resurrected, it came in the form of idealism and a philosophy of brotherly and universal love. Perfect principles; imperfect execution.

For others who contributed to "Looking Back," the history is different for each because the "times" were different as well as the perspective of the individuals. The stories of human societal evolution are enlightening, heartwarming, poignant and spellbinding. They put a human face on the past.

And there are people now who are putting a face on the future...

Awards

Awards:

2001~ Unity in Diversity short story award: First Place- "Trading Faith with a Tibetan Monk."

2007~ Anthology Looking Back by Kay Kennedy
Short Story "When I am A Grownup I Will Do Something"

2008~ Curtiss Brown literary Award: Essay "Shimmy, Shimmy Sunshine Girl." Published in "Scrubs" Magazine

2011~ Honorable Mention Short story category, Wisconsin Writers Association Annual Awards: "When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Sparkles

2010~ Founding Case Author: George Washington University School of Business Program; Women's Studies: Hot Mamas Project

2011~ Case Author: George Washington University School of Business Program Program; Women's Program- Hot Mamas Project

2000 Grant Proposal Author, Grant Administrator, Executive Officer USAID START II Treaty Sister Cities initiative to develop the Russian-American social infrastructure for WMD Chemical Weapons Decommissioning Project, Russia. American Citizen Delegate.

What do they say about Barbara's work? What doe she say?

What do people say about Barbara's work?

"An exceptional article from an extraordinary writer and profound spiritual thinker, one we're fortunate to have in these days overrun by so much violent chaos.

“Posting” does not seem sufficiently appropriate in this particular context because the article is one that overflows with such big and deeply-penetrating ideas that it could almost be described as an important publishing event.

"A thoroughly precise, invigoratingly insightful, and compassionately constructed work of exposition, it takes to task the unseen powerbrokers behind the Oz-like curtains of tabloid operationswho apparently delight in in abusing first amendment rights andcreating chaos in the lives of others."

~Aberjhani
Poet, Author (Harlem Renaissance Encyclopedia)
----------------------------
“Barbara Kaufmann’s writing is professional, sensitive, thoughtful, and inspiring. I became acquainted with Barbara through her writing when she submitted an essay and some poems for inclusion in my book, Looking Back: Boomers Remember History from the ‘40s to the Present. To say I was impressed would be an understatement, as I found her words touched the deepest part of my soul. She has that special talent for putting into words, emotions that most of us react with or to, but don’t really understand in any depth. Certainly, few can match her talent for expressing her thoughts.

Barbara grew up as a baby boomer under the constant fear of Cold War, and of possible nuclear annihilation if something wasn’t done to end the stand-off between the United States and the Soviet Union. Her essay in Looking Back is titled “When I Am a Grownup I Will Do Something,” and recalls her efforts to improve the world. Her two poems are touching memories of a visit to the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington D.C. to find the name of a former schoolmate, and of seeing a missile silo in North Dakota that held the warheads that could ignite a nuclear disaster.

She still seeks to make the world a better home for all living things, and she’s searching for others who want to “create a new and improved humanity.” Be sure to check out her blog.”

~Kay Kennedy, Author
----------------

“All of our material is free, coming from over 100 countries, and amassing over 6,000 pages. It has been used by hundreds of thousands of educators and learners throughout the world, as well as the general public. In addition, we have grown our internet community to approximately 40,000 visitors each week and maintain strategic partnerships with over twenty organizations.

Barbara Kaufmann became a Voices member early in our social networking community. She contributed poetry and comments frequently enough to warrant my writing to her to see about her increasing her presence with Voices. It was a "voice" we needed: someone who had a connection with the religious community, the Native American community, was from the Midwest, had experience with the former Soviet Union and our cold war politics, and espoused thinking collaboratively with others.

In the last four years Barbara has become a mainstay of Voices. She initiates so many projects that I can hardly keep up with her, and more importantly she follows through with each and every one of them--whether it is writing on behalf of Voices, pulling together the mechanism for producing the Words and Violence Curriculum with 27 writers from 7 countries, creating the short film "Words" supported by Rachel Portman herself as well as contributing her music, or most recently working with Walking Moon Studios to produce the "Man Behind the Myth" film. A visit to our website will show how enthusiastically this film is being received and recommended.

Barbara is committed to Voices, and we to her. She consistently works to help keep us going. Every non-profit needs a Barbara Kaufmann. We are just fortunate that our Barbara is so talented, articulate and hardworking.”

~Marilyn Turkovich, Executive Director, Voices Education Project
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Wordsmithing

Award Winning Author and Writer...

2001 Unity in Diversity short story award: "Trading Faith with a Tibetan Monk."

2008 Curtiss Brown literary award: Essay "Shimmy, Shimmy Sunshine Girl."

2011 Honorable Mention Short story category, Wisconsin Writers Association Annual Awards: "When the Student is Ready, the Teacher Sparkles

2000 Awarded $250,000 from USAID for a grant written to support a Russian-American partnership program (see details below)
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Creative writing is the most fun for me.. short stories and poetry in particular, but I also enjoy other genres: marketing copy, journalism, grantwriting, web site design and copywriting, brochures, newsletters, features, articles, manuals and more...

Promotional writing or writing projects that convince, sell, inform, guide, enlist, solicit can take many forms…

Proposals and grants:
USAID (United States Agency for International Development) that funded our Sister Cities organization partnership with a city in Russia under the START II treaty. The awarded grant funded the development of social infrastructure preliminarily required for the construction and commission of a chemical weapons decommissioning plant and the cooperative threat reduction commitment by Russian-American partners.
USAID funded our project for $250,000.

Other grants:
School District, Non-Profits, Healthcare

Seminars and Programs:
Certified Seminar Leader, statewide workshop design and facilitation

Program textbook:
Private Industry Council sponsored program

Web Site Content:
Copy writing

Brochures:
Social organizations, businesses, events, non-profit organizations

Flyers:
Churches, social organizations, businesses, coffeehouses

Copy Writing:
Web sites, newsletters, articles, promotional materials, educational materials, how-to booklets, program textbooks, flyers, brochures, fund raising materials, National organization fund raising letters, Resumes

Ad Copy:
Businesses, non-profits, web sites, Program Narratives

Articles:
Creative Woman Magazine, Appleton Post-Cresecent, Green Bay Press Gazette, Marshfield Herald, Highground Magazine, Natures Pathways Magazine, Healthy Thoughts Magazine, Species Link Magazine, American Heart Association, Mature Magazine

Creative Writing:
(See award winning "Trading Faith With A Tibetan Monk") and Poetry.

For Hire Rates:
Copy writing: $55 hour
Newsletter set up $150
Newsletter editions: $75
Editing: $50 per hour
Brochures: $100
Posters: $50

Consulting: $100 per hour

The Earth and the Reason- for Earth Day 2009

From the air
she reminds me
of an old woman--
wrinkled skin,
hills and valleys
scars and dimples--
a complexion
older than time.

Four billion.
Four billion years
she has been becoming!
Has she too, pondered
her reason for being?
Was her destiny
engraved and sealed
with invisible DNA
evolved from mystery
and blueprints in bones?

The water ran right there,
carved that valley.
Hills puckered here
with gathers over there,
a plateau ends here,
the river meanders--
all features of character
on the face of forever
in the spiral of time.

They say time waits for no one.
Does the Earth wait?
Did she?
For what? Whom?
Has she consciousness?
is she or has she
a self? Or random in
her accident of cause
waiting for effect?

All these millennia--
a pregnant silence,
never knowing,
never ending,
never not becoming;
while I become,
then disappear.

Today she is familiar,
greets me,
telling stories,
speaks with my tongue.
I ask her to remember
because she will be--
long beyond me.

A loudspeaker voice says
"fasten your seatbelts;
we begin our descent."
We do descend to Earth,
in this metaphor for life
a soul becomes biology
for a perfect 3 point landing
to arrive in matter.
Perhaps to matter?
To call her "home."

The Captain says we are
"preparing to land--"
while the metaphor continues
and God knows itself
drawing the first breath,
with a burst and a bang
the labor begins.
A messy affair
this humanity birthed.

I know that once again
I too prepare to land
somewhere outside this perspective,
outside its intimacy,
inside its wisdom.
A sigh escapes
from somwhere deep,
a tear appears,
as the voice far and faint whispers:
"Awaken; remember!
You are my reason
and now my voice."

A New York Night...the aftermath of nine eleven

Bright and sassy
this New York night.
A friendly darkness
lonely,
made of mirage
she endears,
endures.
The lights dance again
as if nothing is different.

Artificial lightglades
skate the water
inky in the harbor
as nightscape breath
whispers spirit
that fills the soul
almost to the top.

Here on the platform
hear the drone of the train
scream of the stop
the mind of the station
a heartbeat nation
more silent than dark
where memory is a bed
where hope once fell asleep.

A photograph- "Nighthawks"
masterpiece painting
etched with light
against blackness
tells magic and stories
of war and a more
noble time, of
old nights that weep
with longing for that place
where innocence once lived
before horror met honor
and honor survived.

It now tells a story
of night come to perch
on thousands of
New York shoulders
hunched against the minute
hunched against the dark
hunched against the story
hunched against the world.

One Man's Teepee

A dying fire licks the dark,
makes shadow fingers
that caress the walls,
salute brother wind,
hail sister moon
and beckon his return.

She stirs in dreams,
becomes the deer,
running, running,
gives head to wind,
hooves to forest,
races the edge of dawn
toward home.

A filly now,
she whinnies softly,
dreams his neck,
nuzzles her head,
breathes tangles of hair
not braided this night
for battle.

And now the great cat
curls and stretches,
arches her back
on bearskin mounds,
her breast remembering
the cup his hand makes
even in sleep.

The eagle soars,
listens the distance,
spies horse and rider,
swoops down to wake
from Shaman’s dreams;
rekindles a fire
to warm his night.

Her fingers smile,
trace rounded belly
to recall his love,
grow his seed,
seal the future
for her people.

The owl knows,
and wolf remembers:
medicine and legends,
a strong, proud race
and how one man’s teepee
was a nation’s dream.

What Looking Back author Kay Kennedy has to say about Barbara

A Blog of Interest

If you’re interested in a site that is well-written and inspirational, you really should check out http://onewordsmith.blogspot.com. Barbara Kaufmann’s writing is professional, sensitive, thoughtful, and inspiring.

I became acquainted with Barbara through her writing when she submitted an essay and some poems for inclusion in my book, Looking Back: Boomers Remember History from the ‘40s to the Present. To say I was impressed would be an understatement, as I found her words touched the deepest part of my soul. She has that special talent for putting into words, emotions that most of us react with or to, but don’t really understand in any depth. Certainly, few can match her talent for expressing her thoughts.

Barbara grew up as a baby boomer under the constant fear of Cold War, and of possible nuclear annihilation if something wasn’t done to end the stand-off between the United States and the Soviet Union. Her essay in Looking Back is titled “When I Am a Grownup I Will Do Something,” and recalls her efforts to improve the world. Her two poems are touching memories of a visit to the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington D.C. to find the name of a former schoolmate, and of seeing a missile silo in North Dakota that held the warheads that could ignite a nuclear disaster.

She still seeks to make the world a better home for all living things, and she’s searching for others who want to “create a new and improved humanity.” Be sure to check out her blog.

Finding Evidence for Hope.........

How to YOU make your mark on the world? Part of your job while you're here, you know, is to contribute. You arrived here with a mission. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make the world a better place.

My mission is to inspire, to motivate, to cheerlead, to stir... humanity. I write to change the world. My work has been called "art in the service of humanity." Welcome and Enjoy One Wordsmith!

Hope is like breath; we need to inhale it deeply to keep going. It nourishes a thirsty soul. It makes the world a friendly place, not a dangerous one. It gives us reason to live our lives with the knowledge that things can get better, that wonder is still alive, that people do care, that we are valued and valuable. It keeps us out of the emotional cave of cynicism, darkness and despair. There are messengers around who spread this very message in the world. They alone are reason for hope.

One only has to listen to world news to understand that all is not well on the planet. Violence and war are still considered when solutions are being examined. Punishment and revenge are still very much alive. Evil still visits occasionally. Some cultural traditions and pastimes are still negative and abusive. And there are still those who lean toward death and destruction instead of hope and enlightenment. Those who lean into hope are messengers.

There are reasons to keep hoping and to keep hope alive. There are those factions and people who are dedicated to making the world a better place. We may not hear about them on the nightly news (yet) but they are out there making a difference day after day. Sometimes these "messengers" make a difference in the lives of others with a message that reaches thousands or more, some with groups or communities and some with one person at a time.

Barbara has launched a new project becoming the "Hope Detective" and in her blog of the same name, she will chronicle her project of investigating, looking for clues to solve problems, arresting the darkness and releasing the light to let it shine. Searches will be conducted for those whose intention is to elevate humanity to a loftier expression, a higher incarnation of itself. Victory, not defeat will be highlighted. Evidence will be collected and cataloged as evidence is collected of human compassion, dedication, mercy, admirable action, inspiration, hope and contribution. Anyone observing any "suspicious" activity--of making the world a better place is asked to report such activities.

Anyone may submit evidence to the Hope Detective of information about... projects, education, actions, music, art, conversations, contributions, ingenuities, inventions, publications, organizations, or other offerings that are designed to build up instead of destroy, lift up instead of break down, love instead of hate, hope instead of despair; things that highlight compassion instead of indifference, involvement instead of apathy, inclusion instead of divisiveness, triumph instead of defeat, and most of all things and people who keep hope alive and well on this planet.

The Hopi (Hope-e) have said that this is the time and... "We are the ones we have been waiting for."

Visit the Hope Detective http://www.hopedetective.blogspot.com/

One of the physicians who was a founding member of our sister cities project wrote a forward for my book in progress.

Here is what he had to say...“The dictionary says hope is a feeling, hope is a feeling that what is wanted can be had; that what is desired will happen. Morgan Freeman playing the character Red into the movie The Shawshank Redemption said, “Hope is a dangerous thing…” The Bible puts hope right up there with faith and love. And Jim Carrey in the movie Dumb and Dumber, when confronted by the one in a million odds of getting his girl, turns the tables around and says, “So you’re saying there’s a chance!”

All of these examples of the concept of hope touch a chord deep within us. We need hope for our spiritual well being. The place we find ourselves when we say there is no hope is a very dark place indeed.

And this line of thinking brings me to a most amazing individual who is the author of this book, Barbara Kaufmann. Barbara and I have known each other through the past two decades as members of the peace movement here in the Fox River Valley. We attend the same church and have been members of the Fox Cities-Kurgan Sister Cities program building bridges between the U.S. and former Soviet Union.

I have a medical background strong in the sciences. Given the fact that there are too many humans on this planet and that our collective behavior is at the level of adolescence at best, I sometimes find little hope looking to the future of our web of life…

Then I run into Barbara somewhere and in the course of several minutes, she calmly and with astonishing conviction gives me hope for our future again! I am amazed by this transformation each and every time. I look forward to reading her book in detail. I call her Mother Gaia. For all of us, I wish for hope of all kinds.”

Bill Carlson, M.D., Urgent Care
Member: Physicians for Social Responsibility
Appleton, WI 1/16/09

The New Human Experience

What is the “New Human Experience?” Humans have been evolving since the beginning of their appearance on Planet Earth. The evolution involves not just physical and genetic traits, culture and technological advancements, but the evolution of consciousness as well. The first humans were little more than uncivilized grunting bipeds focused only on survival, self preservation andmotivated by tribal instincts. Evolution has transformed them into a self-reflective and globally conscious race capable of empathy, mercy and compassion. From the cave, through the agricultural and undustrial age, humans have landed in the age of information and technology. The next incarnation, predicted by anthropology and mind sciences, is a race aware of the collective and not only their part in it, but their responsibility for contribution. Are we the ones we have been waiting for? I am. I suspect you are too and that's how you landed here.